{"id":20,"date":"2018-02-12T18:25:00","date_gmt":"2018-02-12T16:25:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blogit.terve.fi\/mariaisstrong\/2018\/02\/12\/myotatunto-riittaako-sita-itselle\/"},"modified":"2018-02-12T18:25:00","modified_gmt":"2018-02-12T16:25:00","slug":"myotatunto-riittaako-sita-itselle","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blogit.terve.fi\/mariaisstrong\/myotatunto-riittaako-sita-itselle\/","title":{"rendered":"My\u00f6t\u00e4tunto – riitt\u00e4\u00e4k\u00f6 sit\u00e4 itselle?"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n(Scroll down for the summary in English)<\/i><\/div>\n
\n<\/div>\n
\nMaailmassa on 7,6 miljardia ihmist\u00e4. Niist\u00e4 kukaan ei voi tiet\u00e4\u00e4, milt\u00e4 toisesta tuntuu.  Vanhempanakaan me ei oikeasti pystyt\u00e4 tiet\u00e4m\u00e4\u00e4n, milt\u00e4 pienest\u00e4 lapsesta tuntuu. Vauva-aikana se on t\u00e4ytt\u00e4 arvailua ja vaihtoehtojen eliminointia yleens\u00e4 siit\u00e4 m\u00e4r\u00e4st\u00e4 vaipasta ja n\u00e4l\u00e4st\u00e4 aloittaen. Empatia on eri juttu, mutta toisen kokemuksia ei kukaan muu pysty el\u00e4m\u00e4\u00e4n ja tuntemaan. Ei edes saman sairauden kanssa el\u00e4v\u00e4, ei asiaan perehtyneet terveydenhuoltohenkil\u00f6st\u00f6n edustajat. Ei edes oma perhe. <\/div>\n
\n<\/div>\n
\nJostain syyst\u00e4 unohdan sen. Kukaan kuin min\u00e4 itse ei tied\u00e4, mit\u00e4 min\u00e4 k\u00e4yn l\u00e4pi ja milla tavalla MS-tauti t\u00e4n\u00e4\u00e4n ilmenee. Kukaan muu kuin min\u00e4 ei tied\u00e4, kuinka v\u00e4synyt t\u00e4n\u00e4\u00e4n olen. Kukaan muu ei voi kokea sit\u00e4 tunnetta, mik\u00e4 jalkoihini tulee muutaman askeleen j\u00e4lkeen. Sinnill\u00e4, sinnill\u00e4. Turvallisemman tuntuiselta vaihtoehdolta on vain haistaa ulkoilmaa ovelta kuin l\u00e4hte\u00e4 ulos k\u00e4velem\u00e4\u00e4n. Kyyn\u00e4rsauvojen kanssa k\u00e4veleminen tuntuu tukevammalta kuin niit\u00e4 ilman. Ei kai jalkojeni tilanne ole ihan oikeasti niin huono, ett\u00e4 tarvitsen sauvoja? T\u00e4t\u00e4 min\u00e4 ainakin itselt\u00e4ni kyselen. <\/div>\n
\n<\/div>\n
\n<\/a><\/div>\n
\n<\/div>\n
\nSis\u00e4isen my\u00f6t\u00e4tunnon puute vaikuttaa paljon siihen, ett\u00e4 ep\u00e4ilen itsekin omia kokemuksiani sairaudesta. Joudun itsekin ep\u00e4ilem\u00e4\u00e4n fuskaanko. Huijaanko, ett\u00e4 fatiikin vuoksi p\u00e4iv\u00e4n ohjelmana on nukkuminen? Liioittelenko? Jalat tuntuu parin askeleen j\u00e4lkeen silt\u00e4, kun olisin juossut ne  jo maitohapoille. Kuvittelenko? Analysoinko liikaa? Tuntuu, ett\u00e4 muille t\u00e4ytyy todistella, ett\u00e4 kyll\u00e4 asia n\u00e4in on. Vain todistelenko vain itselleni? Ehk\u00e4 se on vain p\u00e4\u00e4nsis\u00e4isen julmurin oikeussali, jossa minun pit\u00e4\u00e4 p\u00e4iv\u00e4 toisensa j\u00e4lkeen olla todistamassa tilanteeni todenper\u00e4isyytt\u00e4. Muiden \u00e4\u00e4nens\u00e4vyt, katseet ja kommentit antavat yleens\u00e4 hyv\u00e4\u00e4 aineistoa minun syytt\u00e4j\u00e4lleni. Omaa puolustusasianajajaa ei ole viel\u00e4 paikalla koskaan n\u00e4kynyt. <\/div>\n
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\n<\/a><\/div>\n
\n<\/div>\n
\nEhk\u00e4 itse\u00e4 olisi hyv\u00e4 kuitenkin katsoa joskus kuin toista, ainoastaan sill\u00e4 bonuksella, ett\u00e4 min\u00e4 todellakin tied\u00e4n, mit\u00e4 k\u00e4yn l\u00e4pi. Se on oikeastaan aika syd\u00e4nt\u00e4s\u00e4rkev\u00e4\u00e4. Ei se, ett\u00e4 minulla on ms-tauti vaan se, kuinka armoton olen itse\u00e4ni kohtaan viel\u00e4 senkin kanssa. <\/div>\n
\n_______________________________________________________________________________<\/div>\n
\nSummary in English:<\/i><\/div>\n
\n
<\/i><\/div>\n
\nThere are 7,6 billion people in the world. No-one else knows what you are going through. Empathy is another matter but still, no one can live your unique experiences in life. Not someone with same illness as you, not health professionals. Not even your family. For some reason, I forget that so often. Only I know what I go through on daily bases. No-one know how fatigue I am today. Only I feel my legs getting the same tiredness as you’d get after running till you drop. Mine just happens after few steps. Walking with crutches feels much safer than without but are legs really that bad that I need walking aids? That certainly is something I question. <\/i><\/div>\n
\n<\/div>\n
\nThe lack of inner compassion makes even me to doubt myself and my experience of my illness. Am I just cheating? Cheating my way out of (house)work with fatigue. Am I exaggerating the problems with my legs? I feel I need to keep on convincing everyone that I am not well. Or am I trying just to convince myself? Maybe it is the cruella in courtroom inside my head to whom I have to prove my case day after day. Tone of  other people’s voices, their comments and looks gives a lot of great material for my prosecutor and I am still waiting for my defence attorney. <\/i><\/div>\n
\n
<\/i><\/div>\n
\nMaybe I should look at myself with the eyes of someone else, with the difference that I do know what I go through. It is quite heartbreaking. Not that I have MS but how merciless I am towards myself even with it.<\/i><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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